Off Topic :: Przegląd tematu - Airliners Downed in Anti-Missile Defense Test

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Bush promised to award posthumous medals of honor in the nation's defense to all 874 passengers who went down with the planes and sent the families a video message and a Chinese-made American flag, along with coupons for Straw Hat Pizza. In the video, Bush told the families of the deceased that the technology was rushed into service, whether it worked or not, to meet annual defense budget deadlines at "the close of the physical year."

"Along with strip searching grandmothers, sniffing shoes, and making passengers wait in lines forever, we will be safer," said Mickey Cheatoff, secretary of the Department of Livingroom Security. "Awarding billions to our patriotic defense industry will increase everyone's faith in the system."

No members of Congress questioned whether deploying the expensive new antiterrorism systems that don't work is wise. Most Americans are preoccupied with a constitutional amendment to prevent gays from marrying, protecting the border from Mexicans, and the cost of gas for their SUVs. Fox News anchor Tommy Oreo reported that the failures "were minor when compared to the demonstration of our great military prowess."

Although there is no credible evidence of a planned missile attack on the US, national security experts point out that shoulder-fired missiles are being sold on eBay. Raybigiron Missile Systems produced hundreds of thousands of Stinger missiles employed by Islamic fundamentalist in Afghanistan, and free-enterprise staffers are encouraging Afghanis to participate in the market economy by selling surplus equipment.

Richard Leaker, a spokesman for the Pentagon's mishap agency, explained that their concern is not so much for those who lost their lives in the planes but for the serious economic consequences of a public loss of confidence in the huge military expenditures of the Bush Administration, a concern echoed by Congress.

"We are long overdue for another increase in our vast military budget," said Representative John Loudmouth, R-Florida. "Another terrorism scare will allow us to double our military budget, thank you Jesus."

Democrats pointed out that the highly vaunted US missile shield has repeatedly failed its tests, but that didn't stop Republicans from voting to deploy the system after it accidentally destroyed Barbara Streisand's house in Malibu.

Jack T. Ripper, director of public insecurity at the Randy Corporation, pointed out that shoulder-mounted missiles are not a big threat. "Most of our military products work on the drawing board," Ripper said. "But few of them prove effective on the battlefield. That's why most only come with a one-month warranty."

As criticism of the failed tests grows, Mickey Chipoff warns that expecting better results will increase defense costs. Estimates to install an anti-missile system on all commercial jets are $40 trillion over the next five years, while defense industry maintenance could add another $400 trillion. By comparison, Presiden